war exists and AIDS exists but not in my first-world

the last ten moments of pure, unadulterated joy:

1. being pushed in the pool by soccer girls at a team dinner
2. walking through sam's club with my buddy's kids while he and his wife shopped
3. finding wart-ish objects on my genitalia three nights after a drunken, blurry one-night stand (i think?)
4. defeating chivas of mcminnville 8-2 in adult league soccer action
5. completing a new york times crossword for the first time
6. consuming unhealthy amounts of alcohol before previously mentioned one-night stand-ish type thing
7. riffin'
8. wikipedia search results for: fordyce's spots
9. "is that fuckin' putnam county? holy shit! that's so cool, man."
10. "are you rolling a cigarette...?"

what is my life coming to? or, better yet, to where is it diverging? is my consciousness splitting? can this happen? please? i'll do anything? i'll do anything to be cool again? but i'm already somewhat cool, right, if i can have a drunken, blurry one-night stand-ish type thing? at least being attractive to 46 year old women is somewhat cool, right? right? right? left?